Day 12 - No Words

Read my Bible in brief today.  In constant dialogue with the Father.  Grieving. No words to share right now.  Profoundly sad. At peace.  Weary in body and soul. Grateful that Jesus captured my heart so long ago.  So grateful! He is all together lovely.  Altogether worthy.  Altogether wonderful to me.

Day 11 - Some Days Are Like That

I spent time with God today and it was good. 

I continued my reading in Jeremiah and read some amazing verses but nothing was sticking to my insides. Nothing seem to soothe my soul. I mostly prayed. Listening and talking.  More like thinking.

I'm grieving and full of sadness for my husband who has lost his teaching buddy, Beth who from my perspective left this earth too soon.  She has two young sons and a husband who loves her.  I'm grieving for Grant and Conner and Pat and for those dear middle school students who loved Mrs. Donghia. And don't seem to know Mr. Jameson without her. 

God's ways are not are ways, His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:8) so I trust. 

And then there's my almost 83 year old mother whose body no longer functions independently.  At all. The dear woman lost her ability to feed herself a few weeks ago. It was the only function she had left.  It's gone now.  She and I have lost the ability to talk on the phone.  So sad. Mother is an aging woman begging Jesus to "call her home."  He is silent.  At least, for now.

Beth had to leave, mom has to stay.  His ways are not our ways, they are higher than our ways.  I need to trust.

I'm tired and my heart is aching for those I love that seem to have lost their willingness to think and act with wisdom. I'm sad and concerned for them.  Very seriously concerned.  My heart feels so heavy.  It has all day. 

Some days are like that.  Some times with God are like that too.

Day 10 - The Eternal Paths

The most pure meaning for the "ancient paths" in Jeremiah 6:16 is "eternal paths."  God is imploring us through Jeremiah to ASK for the eternal paths, those roadways that lead us to live our lives for what will go beyond this life.

Why does He tell us to ask for eternal paths?  Could it be because we have such a tendency to make this life our focus and our own happiness and achievements here on earth the important matters?  They do matter but they are not the eternal paths.  The eternal paths are those paths that lead us to live our lives by the two greatest commandments; to love the Lord our God with total abandon and to love others the way that we love ourselves (Matthew 22:36-40).  To love the Lord our God like that is the "most important, the principle commandment" according to the Amplified Bible. 

What a jolting reminder my husband I got this weekend about the brevity of life and our need to ask for the the eternal paths.  Our friend, and my husband's teaching partner for the last 15 years, literally dropped dead while on her treadmill this weekend.  Beth was a healthy 39 year old with much of life ahead of her.  She leaves behind two young sons and a husband who loved her.  She got up Saturday morning, drank a cup of coffee, talked with her sister on the phone and went to the basement to exercise while her husband and boys wrestled in the family room upstairs.  And in a moment, while exercising and enjoying life, God called her into eternity.  How could she know?  Did she leave anything undone, unsaid, unsettled?  Was there anything she might have done or said differently if she had known? Those of us who loved her are stunned. How could we have known?  Eternity comes in a moment.

Life is fragile and in the whole scheme of things, so very brief. James says that our life on earth is only a vapor. How long does your vapor, I mean your breath hang in the air on a frigid morning?  Seconds, maybe.  Such a vapor is the comparison to our lives, the length of our lives. The ancient paths, the eternal paths are the ones that Jesus walked on; doing the will of the Father, undoing the works of the devil as he healed bodies, souls, forgave sin and called many to follow after Him. 

As a follower of Jesus, the question begs to be answered in my own life; am I on the eternal paths?  God implores me in Jeremiah 6:16 to ASK Him to show me, lead me to the eternal paths and to WALK IN THEM.

Day 7 - 9 - God's Paths

“ … ASK for the ancient paths; ASK for the good way …”

Below are a few choice verses from my long list of them on God’s paths and way.

Jeremiah 18:15

“Yet my people have forgotten me; they burn incense to worthless idols, which made them stumble in their ways, in the ancient paths. They made them walk in byways, on roads not built up.”

Psalm 16:11 and Act 2:28 (Amplified Bible)

“You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore.”

“You have made known to me the ways of life; You will enrapture me [diffusing my soul with joy] with and in Your presence.”

Psalm 25:8-12 (Amplified Bible)

“Good and upright is the Lord; therefore will He instruct sinners in [His] way.  He leads the humble in what is right, and the humble He teaches His way.  All the paths of the Lord are mercy and steadfast love, even truth and faithfulness are they for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.  For Your name's sake, O Lord, pardon my iniquity and my guilt, for [they are] great.  Who is the man who reverently fears and worships the Lord? Him shall He teach in the way that he should choose.”

Psalm 27:10,11 (Amplified Bible)

“Although my father and my mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].Teach me Your way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain and even path because of my enemies [those who lie in wait for me].”

Psalm 119:35

“Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.”

Proverbs 4:26 (Amplified Bible)

“Consider well the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established and ordered aright.”

Proverbs 5:6

The adulterous woman “gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it.”

Romans 11:33 (Amplified Bible)

“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unfathomable (inscrutable, unsearchable) are His judgments (His decisions)! And how untraceable (mysterious, undiscoverable) are His ways (His methods, His paths)!”

Day 7 and Day 8 and ????

Although one of my strengths is to think strategically, by no means am I a methodical thinker.  Nor do I process step-by-step, line-by-line. You can imagine therefore, that my study of God's Word isn't methodical either. However, hear what I'm not saying; a well-mapped out approach to reading/studying the Bible offers a comprehensive understanding of the written word of God and it's good. It's necessary to accurately understand and explain the word of Truth (II Timothy 2:15).  I often require myself to read and study in that way but it's laborious for me.  It feels like a chore (not all bad), it's personally counter-intuitive.  All of that to say, for those who may be following my 21 day journey,  I did not skip Day 7 or Day 8, etc. but I'm off on a search in Scripture about "the good way" and I'm collecting a list of verses, definitions if you will, to "the ancient paths and the good way" as mentioned in Jeremiah 6:16.  It's imperative to interrupt Scripture with  Scripture so that's where I am, "standing at the crossroads and looking."  Stay tuned for that list ....

Day 6 - The Path that Leads to Life

Jeremiah 6:16

(New American Standard)

“Thus says the LORD, Stand by the ways and see and

ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is, and walk in it;

 and you will find rest for your souls …”

You may have noticed by now that I love to read the same scripture in multiple versions. I find that helps me get my heart and head around its meaning.  So, as I meditate on Jeremiah 6:16, I’m compelled to know what the ancient paths are and what the good way is. There are many places where God talks about paths, and a way and more.  I read a number of them and landed on Psalm 16:11 that are referred to in the New Testament, in Acts 2:28. King David asks to be shown the path of life as found in the presence of the Lord where there is joy and pleasure. Fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore. A place where I will be “enraptured with joy.”  Is it possible, Lord?  There’s no doubt YOU can diffuse my soul with joy as the Amplified Bible puts it (Acts 2:28) but then why do I all too often miss it? Is it my unbelief?  My sense of hurry?  Have I have filled myself up with so many other idols that there just isn’t room for You, for the joy and pleasure you offer?  I’d be a fool to not show up for such an offer.  Show me the path, the road, the way of living that leads me to you where your offer is sure and life, true life, can be had.

I asked the Lord for salvation for those in my life who don’t seem to know Jesus personally.  I prayed Psalm 16:11 for them.

Day 5 - Rest for Your Soul

While yesterday’s time with the Father seemed to be about asking for the good paths, today seemed to illuminate the phrase “find rest for your soul.” 

Interestingly, I didn’t get in my time this morning.  I had an unexpected interruption and had to wait.  Not an excuse, just an explanation. I went on to work where a day of meetings and emails and studying begged for my attention.  I have the glorious privilege of being in paid ministry and we happen to have a brand new Prayer Cabin on our property where our church offices our. (I know, it’s amazing!)  Knowing I would be out all evening for ministry, I found a space late in my work afternoon to sneak over to the Prayer Cabin for a mini-retreat.  I spent just over an hour in the presence of the Holy One. I snuggled up in the comfy easy chair, covered up under a blanket and after soaking in some praise music and talking with the Lord I found myself nodding off.  Now let me back-track to explain that each day at the end of my time with Him I write “ASK” at the top of a clean journal page and wait for the whisper of what I am to ask for.  This afternoon however, I sensed the Lord urging me to not write “ask” but instead, to write, “PAUSE.”  Thus, I did. And then my mind followed my pen as I wrote a letter to me, from the Father.

“Sherilyn, you are weary and tired.  Soul weary and body tired.  You’re empty.  I’m so glad you are coming to Me, the fountain of Living Water.  Your soul is parched and thirsty.  Your body is begging for rest.  Come, drink from My fountain.  Come, retreat in My presence.  Come, lay at My feet and rest.  Come, enjoy sweet relief from the demands of your world.  And above all, when you come, Relax.  (Imagine here the my list of all the things weighing heavy on my heart and mind.) Your time is in My hands.  I love you. What else matters?  I love you. I am enough for all that concerns you.  I love you.  I’ll make a way where there seems to be no way.  I love you.  That will never ever change.  I love you.  Now and forever.  You alone are mine.  I alone am God; Father, Savior and Comforter.  Receive.” 

Immediately upon writing in my journal, I fell asleep. I think that’s ok.  To sleep during our time with Him.  We sleep when we are relaxing with those we are close to. I think its ok to sleep when we are with God.  I really do.  I wonder if God watched me as I enjoyed my little catnap like I used to watch my boys when they were sleeping?  And I wonder if He smiled as He stood over me there in that small prayer cabin resting?  Like I used to smile with such contented delight over my children as they slept.  I woke and re-read Jeremiah 6:16 in the NIV Bible  …

“Ask where the good way is,

walk in it,

and you will find rest for your soul.”

From there I read Isaiah 55:1-3 where we are invited to come to the waters if we are thirsty and without money to come, buy and eat” and then I read all of Isaiah 58 about fasting and Sabbath.  The Holy Spirit said that Sabbath is His invitation for us to “press pause” and rest; body, soul and spirit. I love that! Press pause and rest.  Ultimately, the promise here is that when we find the good paths, the ancient ways and then walk in them, rest will be by-product.  And who doesn’t need rest these days?  What renewal for me as I spent time with Him there in our little Prayer Cabin. It was good to be in His presence this afternoon.

Day 4 - Stand at the Crossroads and Look

It’s Monday and thus, I was able to have some extended time with God today as Monday is my day off, sort of.  Smile.  It was so good to be with Him and not be in a hurry.  It was rich and it filled me up. 

My continued search for Scriptures with the word “ask” in them took me to Jeremiah 6 today.  I was reading in the Amplified Bible.

“Thus says the Lord, ‘Stand by the roads and look, and ASK for the eternal paths where the good, old way is; then walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.’  But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’”

To ask is to inquire or beg. Some versions say “stand in the crossroads” indicating a fork in the road that leaves one with a choice.  And at that moment of deciding which way to go, we are to LOOK or consider the choices and ASK for those paths that keep eternity in focus and lead us to walk in the good way, the pleasant way according to the Hebrew meaning.  As God shows us the good way, we must then choose to walk down that pathway.  It’s easy to be appalled at the people of the Old Testament who said obstinately; “we will not walk there” until I happen to hear my own voice among them responding the same way to the path God shows me.  I think right now I too stand at a crossroad and as I stand, I’m looking as I begin to “beg” for the ancient paths that are good for me.

Let your mercy lead the way, Lord.

Day 3 - Filling Up on God

My journal pages are filling up again. Its been awhile and it’s not that the journal is coming to life, it’s that I am! 

Today's time with God was a simple one of reflecting and confessing and cleansing.  My journal feels too raw.  Deep. Personal.  But His words that were my reflection are full of life and renewal.

Proverbs 30:5-9

 ⁵ “Every word of God is flawless;
   he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.
⁶ Do not add to his words,
   or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar.
 ⁷ “Two things I ask of you, LORD;
   do not refuse me before I die:
⁸ Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
   give me neither poverty nor riches,
   but give me only my daily bread.
⁹ Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
   and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
   and so dishonor the name of my God.

Day 2

Another rich time with the Father this morning.  Psalm 39:5 in the Amplified Bible tells us that’s God’s favor (grace) is for a lifetime. It also puts it this way, “His favor, grace is life …”  I love that.  It’s proven true for me, His grace is life to me.  And then in verse 10, the psalmist offers a short prayer,

“Hear, O Lord, have mercy and be gracious to me.

O Lord, be my helper.”

I would end those sentences with an explanation point. Smile.  How I need the mercy and grace of the Lord.  How I need Him as my helper.  In His grace is life, and even in my asking I am desperate for His grace and mercy for there, in my asking, I find impure motives , selfishness, fear, pride, self-pity and more.  I am reminded of the angel of the Lord who spoke to Zerubbabel and told him to cry out or “SHOUT GRACE” to the mountain of human obstacle (Zechariah 4 Amplified Bible). I follow this wise instruction.  I shout, cry out loud in desperation for God’s unmerited favor to the people and situations that weigh heavy on my heart.  People I know personally, and otherwise. 

Hearts and relationships broken seemingly beyond repair.  Healing of body, soul and spirit.  Those who've not yet tasted the salvation of Jesus.  As I listed in my journal those things that concern me, I prayed that His goodness would be the solution in each life and circumstance. In mine and in theirs. 

• My heart weighs heavy for my mother who is like an invalid and longs to say her final goodbye on earth so she can take up residence in her heavenly home.  But her heart beats on and we wait with her for the Lord to call her home. 
• I choke up when I read the blog of friends who long for the children of their heart yet unknown to them, to come home and snuggle safely in their beds, and in the arms of their parents while the Ethiopian government makes decisions affecting that choice.  I can't quite get over the hope and faith their hearts display nor the longing and heart wrenching sadness in their story.
• How do we wrap our heart or head around the unfathomable needs of those in Japan who are suffering the devastation of the earthquake and the tsunami? Lives lost.  Dreams shattered. Hope hanging by a thread.
• And the dear young friend I know who resides out-of-state in a rehab doing the hard work of reflecting, regrouping and rebuilding.
• Or the other friend whose paraplegic brother took his own life and now the family longs for him, and for their questions to be answered. 
• So many friends whose adult children seem lost and are slowly becoming strangers to the parents they once knew and loved. 
• And on and on and on …. the list could go. 

The cry of my heart is that of the Psalmist for those who need a savior, a healer, a counselor, a deliverer and a friend. “Hear, O Lord, have mercy and be gracious to them!  O Lord, be their helper!”

Day 1

I overslept, felt discouraged but got up and enjoyed with Him anyway.  Hope it kicked the devil in the butt!!!!  Spent 40 minutes in my Bible, journal and in prayer that flew by like it was 5.  LOVED it!  IN pressing on with my 2011 theme, “ASK” – I decided to do a mini-word study on passages in the Bible with the word “ask.”  There aren’t tons but enough.  When I exhaust the list of verses with ask in them, I am going to move on the word “cry” or “cry out.” I started in the OT and today I read Psalm 27 and journaled.  David penned this psalm when he was older, most scholars believe it was around the time he was 70 years old. I was struck by the ONE THING he would ask for at this point in his journey of life, the only thing that seems to matter as life wears on – to daily be in the house, or the presence of the Lord.  It’s the only place that soothes a heart that’s breaking when life is beating on it or in David’s case, when eternity seems upfront and personal.  His presence is the safe harbor when conflict ensues and bitterness works overtime to take root within. His Word is the solace when the battle in our mind rages fierce and hope seems to only be thread.  And His mercy and loving-kindness give us courage when staying faithful and peaceful and loving seems nearly impossible.  The presence of the Father ushers in relief, restores perspective and promises sure victory. Ultimately, that’s the ONE THING I want too and yet, the Holy Spirit still beckons me to ask keep asking …. To expect a miracle.  To look for the Lord and taste of His goodness in all things, at all turns.

In my time with Him, I felt compelled to ASK for Him to do something supernatural in someone’s heart and life that is close to me.  I trust Him to show up in mighty ways.  My time set aside for Him was SO good … like water on parched land.

The 21 Day Challenge

I have been teaching a women’s Bible study called “The Moving Company” for eight years.  The Moving Company is all about “getting from where we are to where God wants us to be.”  Thus, the name.  

Last week at The Moving Company, I confessed my neglect of habitually practicing some of the Spiritual Disciplines for many months now. I shared that I sense the Lord beckoning me to exercise some self-discipline in re-creating the habit of daily time with Him, quality and quantity. So, after teaching from Luke 24 about the two who walked on the Emmaus road with Jesus, and yet did not recognize Him until he broke the bread, gave thanks and their eyes were opened, I offered a small challenge to The Moving Company girls.  On the basis of Luke 24:32, I challenged them to make one change in regard to the Spiritual Disciplines of Prayer and personal Bible Study (reading/meditating) over the following two weeks. 

Not wanting to challenge anyone to do anything without doing it myself, I renewed my commitment to spend time with God every day for three weeks as experts say it takes 21 days to form a new habit.  (I asked the girls for two weeks because The Moving Company meets every two weeks.)  I've decided to post my journal on each of those 21 days here on my blog. There is no promise of anything profound, just simple truths from His Word that lighten my load, renew my mind and move me toward transformation in my heart, and life. I will return to Day 1 which was Thursday, March 17, 2011 and add the journal entries prior to today. 

Here's to a new habit and prayerfully, a changed life ....

Luke 24:32 

“They asked each other,

‘Were not our hearts burning within us while

he talked with us on the road
and opened the Scriptures to us?’”  

(italics mine)

A Grace-clinger Observes Lent

I read a blog recently where the author referred to herself as a grace-clinger.  I like that.  Grace. My only hope in my brokenness.  My only help for my inadequacies. Grace. God loving me when I deserve otherwise. Grace. God’s mercy singing its melody over my confusion and heartache and sin. I love grace – the sound of it, and the reality of it.  I too would call myself a grace-clinger and yet in recent weeks I sense that my life is somewhat out-of-balance.  I'm not sure you can ever err too much on the side of grace when it comes to giving it to others.  But I know I can err too much on dishing it out to myself.  I use it as an excuse to be something less than I should be.  I use it as justification for not doing something I really should do.  The Grace-giver is beckoning me to bring balance back into my habits through purposeful self-discipline and all the while, to keep clinging to grace.  Enter Lent. 

Lent is a rather foreign observance to me. Sad but true. I didn’t grow up observing Ash Wednesday nor the season of Lent.  I've never understood much about either.  In fact, I’ve never given liturgy a lot of thought at all. But the Father gently led me to consider the intention of Lent; to help Christ followers prepare to celebrate Resurrection Sunday, and beyond, with total abandon.  I wonder why we never did that?  Never observed Lent that is, in my home nor in the churches where I learned about following Jesus. Hmmm.  Wikipedia explains it this way; “Lent in the Christian tradition, is the period of the liturgical year from Ash Wednesday to Easter.  The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer – through prayer, repentance, alms-giving and self-denial – for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.”  I’m far from a traditionalist but I like that purpose. As a lover and follower of Jesus, to avail myself to anything that holds promise of preparing my heart to more fully celebrate His resurrection, and life, is good. 

Enter Lent 2011.  I’m observing Lent for the first time in my life, rather privately. Doing much of anything privately is a bit atypical for me. Observing Lent is way out of the norm. (Well, maybe I'm not observing it so privately now that I’m posting about it on my blog.  Smile.)  Somehow, much of this first go-around with Lent feels too intimate to share, let alone post about.  The prayers, the repentance and the giving to the poor feels sacred and I find myself being reserved about sharing it.  Odd.  At least for me.  But the self-denial part, now that doesn't seem quite so intimate. I'll tell you what I have given up for Lent.  Although I'm not convinced it really falls into the category of self denial ... maybe more like generic self-control. Anyway, those who  observe Lent won't be surprised, it's a popular one. I’ve given up sugar.  Not just DQ Peanut Buster Parfaits, homemade apple pie, chocolate chip cookies or dessert when dining out.  Sugar in general. Almost completely.

Abstaining from sugar during Lent has an intended purpose for me personally - my desperate need for a lifestyle change.  My decision came after the Holy Spirit was nearly pleading with me to dig a little deeper than dieting and to move beyond what I prefer to call my "mild sugar addiction."  Is any addiction mild.  Seriously?  Mild is a word of justification.  Anyway, back to Lent ... so far, a few physiological changes are noticeable, all good once I got past a few days with a dull headache. I think my body begged in tandem with the Father for the changes I’m experiencing.  My greater need by far however, is spiritual in nature.  An urgency to return to some basic spiritual disciplines.  That urgency is at the root of my soul need but was manifest in my sugar addiction. (Just a mild one though.  Smile.)  Lent is leading the way back  ... To prayer ... talking and listening to God.  To personal Bible study ... letting the Word of God renew my mind.  To meditation on the words of God ... time set aside daily to let Truth penetrate the fabric of my being.  To fasting ...  sitting still in the presence of the Father ... freeing up space for Jesus ... letting the Holy Spirit fill my soul hunger.

Lent.  Forty days set-aside for soul cleansing and more aggressive grace-clinging. I like that.