God's Got My Number

Andy on the Lacrosse Field 2010

Our family has a great love and respect for the number 21. It was the number of the late Pirate’s outfielder, Roberto Clemente; one of my husband’s heroes. Therefore, our boys, Ben and Andy, have often tried over the years to get that jersey number when they can. Sometimes successful, other times not. Over the years, I have grown to cherish #21 myself as I would wash the jersey bearing it or as I kept my eyes on the player wearing it.  Whatever number my son's jersey bore, I grew fond of.  The details of our lives have changed and with our boys in college, I no longer launder their jerseys.  A Bethel Football Equipment Manager washes Ben’s and an Eastern Lacrosse Manager washes Andy’s. Smile. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not the number that makes my heart swell when I see it; it’s the kid wearing the number. And yet … at nearly every game, from the moment players come onto the field until only their backs can be seen returning to the locker room, I would have my eyes fixed on that jersey. My boy could be in the huddle, doing pre-game warm-ups, standing on the sidelines, in the action of play or giving a high-five to a team mate and my eyes would be fixed on their jersey. It made little difference to me what #21 was doing; I could pick my boy out of the crowd of players in a moment’s notice.

Even from the bleachers, I was often able to sense when #21 was dying to be called up for a play on the field. I could almost feel the knot in his stomach over the threat of defeat or the glorious tension on his broad smile after a victory. As a mother I not only “see” #21 on the field, I know all about #21. I am acquainted with the way of his heart. What brings him great joy and what causes him great frustration. I know about the days that go well for him and the days when life is cruel. I know his amazing giftedness and abilities as well as his bad habits. I know what makes him love life and what kills the joy within him. I know the kid in the jersey wearing #21, and I know him intimately. Even when #21 appears more like a miniature action figure in a sea of players on the sidelines, my heart is knit together with his by love and experiences and the blood running through our veins.

Athletics has afforded me a few “aha” moments and one of the most significant ones that ever grabbed my heart happened when my boys were high school student athletes.  I began to be aware of my tendency to watch Ben and Andy more than I watched their game. Psalm 139 helped me see that in like manner, God knows me intimately and has His attention constantly on me. He knows when I sit or stand and what I am going to say before I even say it. He understands my thoughts and His thoughts are ever on me. God is far more interested in ME than in the game of life that I find myself playing. He knows my heart. The wounds. The sin. The longings. He knows when I’m on the “sideline” of life and how much I long to be back “on top of my game.” He knows me from afar and up close. My heart is knit together with His by love and experiences and by the blood of His One and only begotten Son. His eyes are fixed on me even when I have no idea He’s watching.

You see, Ben and Andy will NEVER fully know the joy or the pride I feel each time I “watch” them, no matter what they might be doing, or not doing in their football or lacrosse game. I, on the other hand, will never be able to forget the pleasure I have in just knowing and loving them! God, our Heavenly Father loves me far beyond human comprehension. He is intimately acquainted with me and His eyes are fixed hard upon me every moment of every day … and then some. God’s got my number and He can hardly think of anything else.  As the mother of student athletes, I totally get that.

“You (God) are intimately acquainted with all of my ways.” Psalm 139:3a